Sleepless in Surry
by Crunchyhead
Summary: Harry just can't seem to get to sleep. Short and... well short!


It was 3 o'clock in the morning and Harry punched his pillow for the fifteenth time, in a desperate attempt to make the damn thing more comfortable. He could not sleep and although it wasn't really the pillows fault, punching something was a great way to pass the time.  
  
He thought jokingly about going into Dudley's room and pummelling that fat lump whilst he slept. The problem with that idea was that even Dudley would eventually wake up when pummelled and then proceed to beat Harry to a pulp.  
  
"I wish I had a spell to turn myself into a giant sumo wrestler." Harry thought. "Then I would be nearly as fat as Dudley and could really punch the snot out of the daft git."  
  
Harry was angry and sad all at the same time. "The only thing in this house that I am going to win a fight against is my pillow."  
  
Harry thought of Professor Dumbledore and punched his pillow again. "Take that you stupid old Bumbledork!" He said.  
  
Harry was not very happy with Professor Dumbledore at the moment.  
  
It was probably quite lucky that Professor Dumbledore wasn't here in Surry or Harry would have given him more than just a little whinging.  
  
"If you were here now you crumbly old Bumbledork, I'd turn you into a... a...?" Sadly the only thing that sprang to Harry's sleep deprived mind was a water goblet and this thought started Harry giggling like a lunatic three year old.  
  
A few minutes later, Harry punched his pillow one more time and then collapsed back on the bed staring at shadows on the ceiling.  
  
He had been doing a lot of thinking about his life so far and had realized that Professor Dumbledore had been heavily involved in every stage of his life since he was about one year old.  
  
Harry also felt that every stage of his life since he was about one year old had been a complete disaster.  
  
The only things in Harry's life that he actually liked were his friends and the fact that he was a wizard and it was clear to Harry that Dumbledore didn't have any control over either of these two things at all.  
  
How many times had Dumbledore needed to apologise to Harry for an oversight or error in judgement that caused Harry serious pain or misery? Or worse, just ignored the mistake and pretended that it never happened? Far too often for Harry's liking.  
  
The old man was clearly past it and had bumbled way too often... and even if the old fart wasn't a total nutter it was quite obvious that he was a complete Dork.  
  
Harry smiled at Bumbledork's new nickname and thought himself terribly witty.  
  
The next thing Harry knew, it was morning.  
  
Coming up with a new name for Bumbledork had actually put him to sleep.  
  
"Great!" Harry thought. "I've finally worked out a cure for my insomnia... Slinging off at the Wizarding world's Dorkiest heroes."  
  
Unfortunately, now that Harry had finally had some sleep, Bumbledork didn't sound very witty at all... It needed a little, something else... But what?  
  
And then it came to him. "What else would you call a Professor that spoke mostly crap...? Crapessor!"  
  
It troubled Harry that Crapessor Bumbledork's new name wasn't really any wittier than his last attempt but he reasoned that Crapessor Bumbledork really didn't deserve a particularly witty name anyway.  
  
Harry then turned his attention to the other Crapessors from Bogfarts School of Which Craft can I Stuff Up Most.  
  
"He He He Bogfarts!"  
  
His thoughts turned to Professor Flitwick.  
  
"Or should I say Crapessors Halfwick."  
  
"Let's face it. He's that short, if he had a whole wick he would have to tuck it into his sock."  
  
"Yuk!" All of a sudden Harry didn't feel very much like breakfast.  
  
"Well, that's enough about Mister Miniwick. Let's target someone else."  
  
Harry had a few really great names for his two least favourite Crapessors Snape and Trelawney but unfortunately these names were very rude and didn't relate to their real names at all.  
  
So he moved on to Crapessor Binns.  
  
"Let's face it." He thought. "Nobody has a ghost of a chance staying awake while listening to that rubbish Binns waffles on about."  
  
"Ha Ha Ha Ghost of a chance!"  
  
"Ha Ha Ha Rubbish Binns!"  
  
"Ha Ha Ha... Oh Dear... I obviously need a lot more sleep!" 


End file.
